The Three A’s

“A” marks the beginning of the alphabet. But it can also mark the end of a relationship. There are three circumstances, beginning with “a” that can tank a relationship, and they are (1) abuse, (2) addiction, and (3) an affair. When any of these things are going on, problems in a relationship cannot even begin […]

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Abused Men

People tend to think that men cannot be abused in a relationship. We are all too familiar with women who are physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. In fact, most abuse victims are women. However there are a steady minority of abuse victims who are men. Our culture leads us to believe that men cannot be […]

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Codependency Blues

Codependency is a popular concept. It’s been around for awhile now, and no one seems to take issue with it.  I do.  Codependency generally refers to the behaviors of someone who is in a relationship with a substance abuser, be it a spouse, parent, child or friend. What I take issue with is that the […]

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How to Raise an Adult

Perhaps you are familiar with the old saw: “Parents grow up to be useless”.  This references the notion that good parents do a good enough job parenting that their children no longer need them after they grow up. I think there is a good deal of truth here. Proverbs says “Train up a child in […]

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Triangulation

In relationships, triangulation occurs when a dyad (2 people) is experiencing conflict or tension, and pulls in another person to help stabilize the connection. There’s nothing particularly wrong with this idea, except for the fact that it’s almost always done in a dishonest and manipulative fashion. The dyad is either unaware of the problems in […]

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Feminism, Family Style

In the last 100 years since Suffrage, the Women’s Movement has done a great deal to enable gender equality in the workplace, put domestic violence on the map, advocate for reproductive freedom, maternity leave, and many other gains. Women, and men, owe much to the courage and determination of those who have fought for equality. […]

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Condoms & Culture

I think we’ve established that the culture affects our relationships and our families. But does it also find its way into our bedrooms? You betcha! Just recently I was talking with a delightful young couple. Their relationship is committed, and their communication and conflict resolution skills are excellent. They are both pleased and satisfied with […]

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Lonely? Alone?

Being lonely is about not having people around us, about not having people in our orbit with whom we are close enough to just be ourselves.  We feel lonely when we don’t have enough people we can trust, trust with our deepest selves, trust to lend a hand if we need it. Loneliness is feeling […]

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Is It Really a Joke?

“Lighten up.”  “Dude, chill!”  “Can’t you take a joke?”  These are the sort of things we can hear when someone has used irony to hurt our feelings and then claimed they were “only joking”.  The jab could have actually seemed rather funny at first, and we might have even laughed.  But just like when we’re […]

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Move On With Your Life!

It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that they are “moving on with their life”, or to have someone advise us that we should move on with our lives.  It is worth considering in what context the idea of moving on is generally used.  First of all, we are not generally told we should move […]

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