When it comes to the American canon on parenting, separation/individuation is a big deal. It involves the idea that once a child starts walking, the ideal parent’s main focus should be getting out of the way. And it all heats up in adolescence, when it is assumed that a child can only become a competent, […]
In our digital world, you don’t need to consult an expert or even read a book to get parenting advice. It’s everywhere online, especially Mom’s groups on social media. It takes thoughtful consideration, but also courage to trust one’s instincts concerning our children. We had three little girls, and then the last one was a […]
I wish forgiveness weren’t so complicated. It’s hard enough to do, so it shouldn’t be so hard to figure out how to do it, and also when not to do it. Forgiveness is not only misunderstood, it is also misused. Forgiveness comes into play when a person or persons wrongs us in some way. If […]
I most definitely have Covid-on-the-brain. While I might not have the virus – yet – everything is muddled. With so much of my stuff cancelled, having all of this time, you’d think I’d be taking care of tasks I can’t generally get to. Alas, not so much. When everything was upended, so was I. And […]
Having been raised by a psychopath (more about that later), I had no internalized model of decent parenting. Except how not to do things. As clarification, a narcissist lacks empathy and a psychopath lacks both empathy and a conscience. A narcissist can hurt others in a frantic attempt to fill the emptiness inside. A psychopath […]
The concept of boundaries is an important one in human relationships. Infants don’t know where they end and another person starts. Learning this is part of healthy development. It’s part of the “no” stage for 2 year-olds. By saying no, toddlers are beginning to practice the art of individuation, a tiny step in the direction […]
Another shooting yesterday. Do we even notice anymore? Can evil be called a tragedy? Perhaps, but it’s many other things too. For awhile, I took part in gun safety protests, walking around NRA-supported businesses and politicians offices with my posters. My posters were never particularly eye-catching like so many, but they were useful to put […]
Every religion, Buddhism (a path to Enlightenment), and secular humanism include some variant of “Love Your Neighbor as Yourself”. This is the bedrock of our humanity, and it’s quite impossible to posit a moral code without basic respect and care for the other. My goodness though, don’t we try to get around this! Various iterations […]
I’m acquainted with a Golden Retriever named Mozart. People might say he possesses two natures, like the original Mozart, both scatological and divine. But it’s more accurate to say he just does better than most of us in integrating the dualities common to all of us. As a dog, it’s not always easy holding onto […]
When I was a new therapist, I found myself involved in what is sometimes called a NIMBY issue. NIMBY means “not in my back yard”, and refers to opposition to types of development or people living too close to one’s own living space. My situation involved community resistance to state-mandated rental housing for individuals recovering […]