Is there memory before words? I have memories stored in my body. My shoulders are my pet rocks. Even though they are scrawny and unremarkable, they never relax, and in fact spend much of their time right below my ears. I tend to always have a stomach ache. To stop the endless questions concerning why […]
Codependency is a popular concept. It’s been around for awhile now, and no one seems to take issue with it. I do. Codependency generally refers to the behaviors of someone who is in a relationship with a substance abuser, be it a spouse, parent, child or friend. What I take issue with is that the […]
Trauma lives below the neck. This makes it difficult for our thinking brains to access it. That is why trauma can overwhelm us, overtake us, sabotage us, and we don’t know why. That is why trauma survivors can say and do things that don’t make sense, even to them. For example, a veteran can be […]
Perhaps you are familiar with the old saw: “Parents grow up to be useless”. This references the notion that good parents do a good enough job parenting that their children no longer need them after they grow up. I think there is a good deal of truth here. Proverbs says “Train up a child in […]
In the picture on my kitchen wall my father is standing with his two older brothers, in age order. Therefore he is the bottom step. They are all wearing double-breasted winter coats and holding hats in their hands, except my father is dressed in a little boy’s coat, holding a little boy’s hat, and smiling […]
I hate lousy therapist stories. Just like accountants hate lousy accountant stories. An accountant can mess with someone’s finances, perhaps their financial future. But a psychotherapist can mess with someone’s well-being, their self-confidence, and their ability to trust. I’ve heard stories of therapists who fall asleep during sessions. Or a therapist who said to a […]
In relationships, triangulation occurs when a dyad (2 people) is experiencing conflict or tension, and pulls in another person to help stabilize the connection. There’s nothing particularly wrong with this idea, except for the fact that it’s almost always done in a dishonest and manipulative fashion. The dyad is either unaware of the problems in […]
In the last 100 years since Suffrage, the Women’s Movement has done a great deal to enable gender equality in the workplace, put domestic violence on the map, advocate for reproductive freedom, maternity leave, and many other gains. Women, and men, owe much to the courage and determination of those who have fought for equality. […]
This week a man gunned down 8 people in Atlanta. They were all hard-working, underpaid women, and most were Asian-American. Following terrorist attacks like this, the media is perpetually focused on motive. It seems like nothing can really be decided about the crime until someone comes up with a reason why it was committed. Why […]
The Very, Very Bad Day It was surprisingly warm for the Saturday morning before Thanksgiving, and my husband was doing something in the yard. My two teenaged daughters were in their rooms, primping and chatting. My 11 y/o daughter and my 7 y/o son were wrestling on the family room rug. I was in the […]