I can’t blame you if you don’t believe me on this one. I scarcely believe it myself. Naturally I don’t want to believe it. I wouldn’t even be considering it at this point if my brother, my sister, and I had not talked about it many times. To whit: my mother did not allow us […]
When I was between the ages of 9 and 11, we lived in a small suburb just outside of San Juan, Puerto Rico. An American guy who worked at my father’s office would visit frequently. We were told this was because he was single and lived alone. His name was Harold, and he told every […]
Growing up I always liked myself best when I was doing something bad. This is in spite of the terror I felt of being found out and punished. I was almost never bad, which I now see stunted my personal growth in many ways. I was a parentified child to the max, making lunch and […]
Maternal Sexual Abuse: mothers sexually abusing their children – is that really a thing? Alas, yes it is. How do I know? From research. And from the fact that it happened to me. My mother abused my brother and my sister and me in every way that it’s possible to abuse a child. Including sexual […]
Is there memory before words? I have memories stored in my body. My shoulders are my pet rocks. Even though they are scrawny and unremarkable, they never relax, and in fact spend much of their time right below my ears. I tend to always have a stomach ache. To stop the endless questions concerning why […]
In the picture on my kitchen wall my father is standing with his two older brothers, in age order. Therefore he is the bottom step. They are all wearing double-breasted winter coats and holding hats in their hands, except my father is dressed in a little boy’s coat, holding a little boy’s hat, and smiling […]
The Very, Very Bad Day It was surprisingly warm for the Saturday morning before Thanksgiving, and my husband was doing something in the yard. My two teenaged daughters were in their rooms, primping and chatting. My 11 y/o daughter and my 7 y/o son were wrestling on the family room rug. I was in the […]
The light in the church steeple switched itself off a midnight, so I generally hung around at least until then. When the small stone structure was built, Mozart was still alive, although my sister would have taken little comfort in this. “Mozart? His first name was what? Who played in his band?” But she died […]
When I grew up, I discovered I had a lot to learn if I were to have any success with getting in trouble, which I now saw in terms of advocacy. I first had to struggle with the internal/personal aspects. Did all those years as the new kid in so many schools hardwire me to […]
I was an extremely compliant child. Children of psychopaths don’t really have a choice. I hardly ever got in trouble, either at home or at school. I was submissive, studious, and not only cleaned my room but the whole damn house. I was a parentified child to the max, making lunch for my mother and […]